Due to popular demand (from the 2 or 3 of you anyway), here is a post...

...Well, perhaps after breakfast >_<

^_^ Yay, new post! Got this from a chain my friend sent me.

[Sipping Vodka]
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not "bet his ass."

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as "Daddy, Junior and the Spook."

8. David slew Goliath, he did not "kick the shit out of him."

9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me"

12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not," Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God."

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's not "a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's."

15. And I must add my Mother's favorite!: And when you listen to confession, please say "Tsk! Tsk!" instead of "No shit!!!"

Stumbled across some easily forgotten jibblets (for lack of a better word).

(1) Where there is fear, there is not enough love.
Or understanding. I'm pretty sure love, while capable of conquering many things, is not the most appropriate solution to getting over something like a fear of hand grenades.

(2) No condition in life is permanent.
While definitely a good thing to hear when you're in a rut or between a rock and an even bigger rock, this is also true of good things. Which is a good way to explain complacency. Or rather, the dangers of. Takes me back to Aesop's deal about the grasshopper and the ant.

Speakin of things that take you back, for some reason or other, this song recently returned to memory for the first time in over a decade...

If I were a poet,
I would write a sonnet. 
It would say "I love you."
Your name would be on it.

If I were a farmer,
I'd give you a bunny.
If I had a beehive,
You would get free honey.

Fa la la
Fa la la
Fa la la

If I were a baker,
You could have a cruller
If I were a painter,
Choose your favorite color.

If I had some diamonds,
I'd give you a few,
Anything to show you
How much I love you.

Fa la la
Fa la la
Fa la la

Did you guess my secret?
I am not a poet.
Couldn't write a sonnet,
And I think you know it.

I am not a farmer,
Can't give you a bunny.
I don't have a beehive,
Sorry 'bout the honey.

Fa la la
Fa la la
Fa la la

I am not a baker,
Don't know bread from batter.
And I am not a painter,
And it doesn't matter.

I don't need a present,
All I have to do
Is look at you to show you
How much I love you.

Fa la la
Fa la la
Fa la la

Now there. Right there. Kermit is the shit. If my name was on Jiraiya's scroll, I'd want that nigga to come out when I bit my thumb. Don't get me wrong, Gamabunta's cool and everything, but if you busted out those verses to the right girl with tears in your eyes, there'd be tears in hers. Even if you couldn't sing. As is the case with me. Hopefully, said tears would be tears of joy and not because her eardrums have been defiled.

But yeah, it's one thing to hear that song when you're 12 or 13. Something else to hear it now. It brings tears to my eyes. Maybe if I'd kept this song playin in my heart, I wouldn't have hurt the woman who vested her hopes and dreams in me.

As always though, things don't happen in any other way than the way they do. Lessons learned and laid in. All that jazz. One day, there will be a woman worthy of this song. I'll know cause she'll be the only one in the room that hasn't hit the floor laughing or crying when I lay down these verses.

Lift me up - when I'm falling
Lift me up - I'm weak and I'm dying
Lift me up - I need you to hold me
Lift me up - and keep me from drowning again

Calm the storms that drench my eyes
And dry the streams still flowing
Casting down all waves of sin
And guilt that overthrow me

A man on vacation asked a local which of two hotels was better. The local said it did not matter. Either way, if you stayed in one, you'd wish you were in the other.

Some glancing allusions about one of life's subtleties. When I was in school last semester, I couldn't wait to get out and work on things. Now that I'm up to my neck in contracts, I wanna be learning.

The end result is like trying to spin the ball counter-clockwise in my right hand (Naruto reference). A lot of energy is expended, but the desired effect is not achieved.

Hmmm. Maybe it's time for a vacation. Anyone wanna go to Hawaii? I hear they have a good drifting scene out there.